the nerves set in

well, we leave in less than a week. This is a very weird time. There is a looming change right around the corner that we have been preparing for ceaselessly for almost 4 years and yet, I have a strong sense of unease. It's like that point in a dream where the ringing sound turns out to NOT be the call to arms for the flesh eating, mutant potato-like creatures chasing you, but is in fact your alarm clock. There is a tether to reality that is just about to slap you in to a new state of consciousness, but you still keep misinterpreting it. Reality waits for us on Sunday, when we hop on the plane, then this whole thing becomes very, very real, and, I fear, flesh eating mutant potatoes seem like a tickle fight. I have been reading an 'Attachment in adoption" book that has successfully scared the bejeezus out of me, so that doesn't help. Everyone's first question is 'are you ready?" or some such concern, and I have no idea how to answer that. its like swimming in the ocean when you have never seen water. Someone can tell you all about the waves and the undertow and the jellyfish and the salty taste, but until you get pushed down by a rogue wave and go on the mental journey your mind provides when something brushes up against your leg, you really have no way to prepare. so ask me in a few weeks if we were prepared. The overwhelming recommendation from 'experts' is to be even-keeled. Have I ever struck any of you as particularly even-keeled? But there is excitement, too. The kind you used to get as a kid, where you just want to giggle like an idiot for no reason and not have to offer an explanation. my 'keel' is so uneven. the picture above is how I feel right now.