4 Months!!

Hello again to anyone who is reading this! it has been just over 4 months since Harry has been a U.S. citizen. He is doing great and we are all adjusting very nicely to our new life! I will let Harry tell you all about how he is doing in this short video clip, and try to write more later. -Brian

an update

alright, so how about an update? Harry and I have been back in the U.S. for just over a week now. That seems odd to say, as it feels like much, much longer. Now we are in what I call 'phase 2'; although I admit that I have no idea how many phases there are, but I like being able to say 'we are just going through a phase' and actually knowing what that means. In this phase the whole family gets to learn how to cope/deal/adjust to each other. Suddenly there is another human being who can talk and move and think staring at you to do something. Addie is doing great, although I can see she is struggling to adjust to having a brother, and someone who divides her parents' attention. Her Spanish is so fun to listen to, she picks it up just by hearing us use it. I wish I could say the same for Harry's English. I know its only been a week, but i get the sense he is resisting learning English. All the experts told us he would jump all over it, but I dont see that happening just yet. I need to stop speaking to him in Spanish and start using hand signals to force the issue. We got him in to a great local school with a bilingual program; 2 1/2 days of Spanish, and 2 1/2 days of English. He has a great teacher and good support with the school psychiatrist (who we have already come to know quite well) so we hope for the best. But he cant seem to control himself with ALL the new impulses, realities, language, food, structure, dogs, snow, school, etc. so he can only go for half-days until he learns better self control. This is the hard part, and Rachel and I have seen some ugly stuff come to the surface. Rachels mom was here for the first week and she helped Addie while we were dealing with the flaming tornado of anger that reared its ugly head a few times. She was such a tremendous help, I doubt she even knows how much! There are many stories to tell, but perhaps not that different than most families (from the good : dogs sleeping on his bed, to the bad; drawing a pint of blood when he is deathly afraid of needles). I am going to rely on friends, professional help and the strength and experience of Rachel for the next few months (if not more). In six months, people say Harry will only speak English. I hope so, but I am not holding my breath. We are flying blind here, people. I barely have the strength to write the blog anymore. I will most likely change the status to 'personal' so as not to impose our integration on all of you, but I thank you all for your support. we could not do this without a LONG list of people helping us, even if its just with words of encouragement. see you on the flipside!  -Brian

Travels with Harry

well, we made it. I am home in Rochester, Harry made it with me ( he already had his first snowball fight with Addie) and phase 1 of this adventure is complete. I am going to sleep. Thanks for all the warm thoughts, once again EVERY step of the way had some form of delay or mis-step. I will conjure the energy to explain more on Sunday (maybe), but for now, just know that we are home, and the Larson's are a foursome.
-Brian

Sentencia!

Buckle up folks, this is going to be a bumpy one. so i have not written in a few days because 1) my mom visited for 4 days (thanks Vicky! you know what I mean!), and there has been no adoption related happenings to speak of, mainly tourist things and getting to know Bogota better. I gave a presentation at Universidad de Javeriana, and met with an animation class at Universidad Jorge Tadeo Lozano, courtesy of Ricardo Acre from ASIFA Colombia. I also met his brother Dan. These are truly awesome people all around, I cant say enough good things about them. in fact everyone from ASIFA (the International Animation Society) has been great, I want you all to visit! But now things are set to start moving at a break neck pace. But that term does not translate to Colombian Spanish. first, Rachel had to send a signed, authenticated, fingerprinted document to New York giving permission for Harry and I to enter the US without her. i NEED this paper before I can leave. she sent it Monday for Tuesday, they were going to notarize it and fedex it to me on Wednesday. but the goddamn NY Giants had a parade on wednesday and they couldn't get to the fedex office until late, so now it is supposed to be here on Friday. unbelievable. if I am here over the weekend because of the Giants, I fear how ugly things will get. We were scheduled to get our Sentencia on Tuesday. this is the OFFICIAL paper giving us parental rights to Harry. Our Lawyer, Carmen Helena, has been working hard to get us a sentencia date this fast (less than a week). The court defender needs to sign it, then the judge. She had to convince the judge that our fingerprints were coming soon (remember, the 5th time!) and the judge signed. Then the defender signed it and it was supposed to go  in front of another judge and me on Tuesday. we went to the office downtown, but the judge would not sign the paper because the defender was not there (even though she had already signed it days before). this would extend my stay 5 days! I freaked out like a feral cat. Everyone seemed to say "well, there is nothing we can do..." when I am scrambling with ideas of things we can do, shaking and yelling in this court room. I offered to drive to the defenders house. I offered to deliver the judge to her personally. I asked Carmen Helena to find someone else. Then she sprang in to action and ran up 8 flights of stairs in heels, checking room to room for a defender, and dragged one down to witness the signing. it was done. i got the decree and left immediately.
we had no time to go get Harry's birth certificate, this would have to wait until Wednesday. so we got up at 6am and drove 2 hours south to a very bad, poor, dirty part of town. This is the neighborhood where Harry was born. In Colombia, your birth records are kept in a Notary's office in the neighborhood of your birth. It looks like a movie set of old, thick books covered in the dust of ages, stacked in piles and towering over a hunchbacked old lady with a rubber finger tip, flipping through pages and mumbling as she shuffles down the aisled. Exactly like that. we were there to open it at 8am. It went relatively smoothly, which had me worried. from there we could get his passport, a new Birth certificate (his name is now Harry Larson Larson, they got confused by Rachel and I having the same last name and they didnt think to ask me. so that takes care of the Middle Name debate. who had that choice in the pool?), and the Embassy doctors appointment. I had heard from families staying here just this morning that we needed an i.d. for hm as well, so we got that, back on the North side of town. Then the lady at the passport office, also far North, said she would not process the passport because the form had the Mothers name on the father's line and vice versa. so we drove back down south, 2 hours, to the notary. We had the birth certificate re-done, but then her copier broke and she couldn't make copies. We waited 45 minutes. we had to be back at the passport office by 3 to get the passport processed in time. it was 1:50 when we finally left. we asked Julian, our driver, to get us back North fast. this is bad advice. he drove through traffic like he was being chased out of Hell. but he got us there. we were the last ones they let in that day. harry had his passport processed quickly. But then we realized it was the wrong kind, and we wouldn't get it back for 3 days. so she did it again (she was NOT happy about this). Passport, check. then off to the Doctor's office. he was great, very impressed with Harry and WE ARE DONE! All I have to do now is drop off paperwork at ICBF office and then apply for a Visa at the US Embassy. we pick it up 24 hours later and we get to leave on Friday night! (if the paper from Rachel arrives that is). Every single step is difficult, slow, painful and taxing. I have to pay attention to every detail because so many obstacles get in the way. some can be foreseen, some not at all. I can't rest for a second for fear it will delay things for days and days. this is not an exaggeration. If we get out of here on Friday I will finally let my shoulders relax. pics: Harry and Granny J, Dan and Ricardo Acre in Dan's studio, a shot of a street in Harry's 'birth' neighborhood, Harry and Kyle, a new friend who was staying with his family at the house we are renting, and a dog with a basket. He would go through the crowds collecting change for his owner who was doing tricks for cash. I think I gave 10 bucks to the dog, what a great angle!

stepping stones

I dont know about many of you, but I grew up in the mountains and had plenty of opportunity to play in streams, rivers and creeks. I had a habit (and still do, I suppose) of starting to cross a stream by stepping on the most easily accesible rocks resting above the rushing water. But occasionally I would get stuck, without a clear path of rocks in front of me. I found that if I stood there long enough, a path would show itself, almost miraculously, and I could continue on across the river. This adoption experience has been a lot like crossing a river, and every time I cant see the path in front of me, a rock appears. in this case, two families of rocks showed up at Betty's place this week. A family from Texas (the mother, Maria, is from Mexico) arrived from Medallin with three kids ages 9,7, and 6 and going through the final stages of adoption. She speaks Spanish as do the kids. Another family from Indiana arrived with an adorable 2 year old boy; the mother is from Puerto Rico and the father is originally from Colombia, they both speak Spanish and a little English. Harry likes to play with the kids and finally has some one to talk to. I can commiserate with the other families about how long this process takes and we can all share horror stories (they have both been here for around 2 months already! yikes!). But the path shows itself in this way; Harry and I have a hard time communicating, my choppy sentences can get my point across, but he cant say his 's's or r's well, so I have a very hard time understanding him, on top of the language barrier. We had some miscommunication today and he threw a fit. a bad one at that. One of the mothers stepped in to translate and we diffused what was quickly becoming a bad, tense morning. and it was all due to poor language and not knowing how each other 'operates'. There will certainly be more of these episodes in the extended future, but for now, I am forever thankful for the stones that appeared before me and allowed me to get a little further along my journey.
-Brian

Back Again

So I have been gone for a while, allow me to explain. Since Rachel and Addie are back home, I decided to take a 7-year boy old I  barely know, to a tiny 16th Century village I have never heard of, in a country I have never been to, where no one speaks English, on 2 buses I have no idea how to negotiate, for 4 days...isolated and alone. sounds fun, right? That's how I roll. I decide to get out of Bogota and head to Villa De Leyva, a small village in the center of Colombia that was founded in 1544 (I think). The village is largely untouched by the 21st Century (or the 17th century for that matter). Cobblestone streets, the largest village square in the country complete with a well in the center where water has been drawn for centuries, and more burros and dogs you can shake a stick at. I needed a change of scenery. Harry and I headed to the bus station (really just a stop along the highway) not knowing a thing about how the buses work here. we ended up hoping on a bus to the town of Tunja. at least I was hoping this was the case. I did not know how long the ride to Tunja was, nor did I know what it looked like to know when we should get off. Tunja is a larger city about 3 hours North of Bogota, it was founded as the starting point for expeditions looking for El Dorado. Really. From Tunja we wandered aimlessly looking for another ride to the Villa, and found a van that looked promising. again, I had no way to confirm this was the right bus or how long it would take. The fare was 2 chickens but I bartered them down to 1 chicken, a goat and a jar full of teeth. just kidding. it cost $12 USD for both of us. it was a 45 minute ride and we stopped at the station, and yet again, wandered around until we found the main square, Plaza Mayor, and wobbled on the cobblestones until I found a suitable looking room to rent. I miss this feeling of being dropped off in a place I was totally unfamiliar with and walking without any agenda except food and shelter. it reminds me of trekking through Europe, except this time I had a kid in tow, which changes the dynamic dramatically.
Our conversations continue to be strained, my Spanish is improving faster than his English, but I feel compelled to speak English to him so he can learn, but also because he is the ONLY one around me who does speak English. Harry travels reasonably well, and rolls with the punches easily, taking it all in stride. I can only imagine what he is thinking at any given moment. It occurred to me that right now, I am frustrated because I am in an unfamiliar land, with customs, habits, rituals, etc. that are not my own, I dont speak the language (well), and am trying to get to know a new family member. This is all going to be reversed in a few weeks for Harry, as he wil be in a strange land, learning the language, customs, etc. himself. we are living the same story, told at slightly different times, concluding at the same place somewhere in the future. I already have the rough manuscript for a children's book in my notes. There is no internet in Villa De Leyva with the exception of a few random cafes, they dont take credit cards anywhere, and not much to do except hike around. We did take a taxi to a Dinosaur park that was pretty cool. We retuned to Bogota just fine, except the Police stopped the bus and took everyone's i.d. on the trip back, which freaked me out a little.
Both Rachel and I continue to pursue any and all avenues we can to get back home as fast as humanly possible. This process simply takes too long and Harry needs school, a dentist, and structure he is not getting here. if anyone knows the US Ambassador to Colombia, please email me.
I am giving a presentation at a University here on Wednesday night at the request of some very nice people ( Hello Ricardo, Diego and Camilo!!) So far 119 people are signed up to listen.
the first pic below is our room, then some shots of the square, our hike, etc. There are so many dogs running 'wild' in the streets, I have never wanted to be rich so much in my life as I did then, so I could take care of all these sweet dogs! The little one under our table adopted us for a day or so, whenever she saw us across the square, she came and laid at our feet.

The Waiting Game

It's been a few day since the last post. this is due to several reasons. As has been the case throughout this whole process, there have been snags and setbacks at virtually every stage. Miscommunication, government "governmentness", and cultural differences have made us get re-re-re-re-refingerprinted, and has those sent to Houston for verification, then back to D.C. then back to Bogota, all the while our prints were already IN Houston and the judge may not need them after all. Adios $200.00. We met with Harry's defender, but he was only assigned the case THE SECOND WE SHOWED UP FOR THE MEETING. The prior defender was removed from the case by a mysterious judge. and yes, that was the defender we waited an extra 4 days for to return from vacation that delayed the placement date with Harry. The big 'intervention' meeting where we are or are not deemed a suitable match took all of 5 minutes and we were simply asked what we did the last week. it could have been done over the phone. In fact, our lawyer had to fight to keep this meeting, as they (ICBF) wanted to delay it further for reasons unknown. The tension was taking its toll on Rachel. It is simply too much to handle when all you want to do is start your family-life together, and it is stalled at every turn. My first car ran better than this operation and it bellowed smoke and had no doors. So Rachel and Addie returned home on Tuesday night. They were both frisked at the airport before they could board the plane, but luckily they we allowed to waive the 'exit tax' that Colombia imposes on people staying less than 2 weeks. Thanks for staying, now here is your bill! But they are safe and sound at home, getting re-acquainted with the dogs, cats, snow, etc.
Harry and I remain, and face 2 more weeks of boredom. there simply isnt that much to do with a 7 year old and it is not easy to get around. But, the good news is that we got our court assigned! After the intervention meeting, our case is assigned one of 23 courts set aside for adoptions. Our lawyer knows the judges in 12 of them, and we need her to expedite the paperwork FAST, so we were hoping to get a 'friendly' court. They all have numbers, and courts 10 and 20 are notoriously bad. bad meaning slow and not friendly. IF we were to get a bad court, there is no telling the toll it would take on us. This is like the lottery to see if you get to go to Heaven or Hell. We got court #2. so far, so good. our lawyer started her process today and is having lunch with the judge. This seems inappropriate to me, but who am I to question, right? so there is the potential we could have all the paperwork done in about 2 weeks, but the reality is closer to 3. and here is why this becomes a problem: our days are filled with playing in the park, walking around town, reading books, playing soccer, going to museums, etc. We are supposed to bond, right? I also try to instigate an hour of learning English per day. ONLY 1 HOUR. this is met with a ferocious fight from Harry every time. so we glare at each other, sulk, and it ruins the rest of the day. Harry also has a tooth coming in but has not lost the baby tooth inb its place yet! I think he is going to need surgery. so we need school and a dentist but we 'get' fighting and playing. There is little structure when structure is the one thing he needs. so I do the best I can, and we figure out how to communicate in new and interesting ways. He continues to be a good kid for the most part, given his horrible first 5 years, I think he is doing remarkably well. More pictures soon, either of fun things around town, or of men in white coats dragging me away.

7 million people and 6 million taxis

If you have ever traveled in a foreign country, you probably remember the thrill of getting out to see new things to say you have seen it or been there. While we are here for an entirely different reason, we still feel the urge to go out and 'do' rather than just 'be'. We also want pictures for Harry to have of where he is from, so he has a connection to his homeland and part of his story to make his life well-rounded. So here we come Plaza de Simone Bolivar! This Plaza is in the old part of Bogota, over four hundred and seventy years as the city's center. The Catedral Primada anchoring one corner, was orginially built in 1538 from straw and mud. Its had many upgrades to keep it around this long! The plaza also is home to the government buildings that house the president (Colombia's white house). Mind you, no one told us that the day we picked might not be the best day to go due to a huge Pope John Paul II memorial of some sort. But we have a knack fro picking the most difficult times to do the simplest things. People were packed in the square like a Tokyo subway. Folks were lined up 3/4 of the perimeter just to get in the church, and this is a BIG square! Elway couldn't throw a football from one end to the other. Army soliders and God's soliders (nuns) were marching all around. We felt as if all of Bogota had the same idea as we did. This is a very Catholic town, and apparently the Pope still hold some sway among the locals. Now, I've been up and down 5th av. in Manhattan during Christmas time, and I've been in the Hong Kong airport during peak hours, but I have NEVER seen this many people in one place. it was as if the entire world tilted toward Colombia and the entire population of the planet tumbled down to Bogota as if in a funnel. an we have two tired kids in tow. The way we usually catch a taxi here, as we mentioned, is to call Manuela when we are ready to go home, and she calls a cab and gives them our address, she then calls us back and tells us the cab's i.d . number, and we wait for it to arrive, safe in the knowledge that we will not be kidnapped. I don't trust my Spanish enough to interpret numbers over the phone. but....with 7 million people trying to get a taxi, the cab companies wouldn't even answer their phones. so we had to hail one on the street, which took about a half an hour. We (or at least I) was white knuckled the whole way home until I recognized the area I was in. Nothing like a few good kidnapping tales to frighten you silly. This is a hard town.
Addie continues to do great, she is sprinkling her sentences with Spanish very naturally now, and doing her best to cope in the new surroundings. I doubt I would have been that easy if I were 4 years old in a totally foreign environment. what a trooper!
Harry is doing better, and we monitor his level of anxiety almsot all the time. He is getting to know us and we him, and its going to take some time before any of us is totally relaxed. This is by far the hardest thing we have ever done. The language barrier is huge, I can get by just fine in town, but when I need to get a point across to a belligerent kid, I fear my message is weakened. in the madness we also went to the Historical museum in an old, old, old former prison, saw a cool soccer exhibit, and today we went to the kids Science Museum and hailed a cab home. I want to write exclusively about the adoption process we are currently living, as I have a lot to say and I remember looking for just such a thing about a year ago, but that will be another post. Tomorrow we get out lawyer, and have our Integration meeting (where we could call the whole thing off) and get fingerprinted again. I am drained and exhausted, and I have 2+ weeks in front of me where it will be just Harry and myself. Marathon parenting is not for the weak. -Brian

How do you say 'snookered' in Spanish?

There are a lot of things to be cautious about in Bogota; the drinking water, fake police who will rob you, being kidnapped by a taxi driver, crossing the street as a pedestrian, etc. and we, in this overly-cautious state, approached Harry's learning ability with kid gloves. In an attempt to establish a learning routine, we wrote some lessons for Harry. We were told that "he loves math!" so Rachel wrote out some simple equations, and I wangled him to sit and show me his skills.  He shut down like Portland in a snow storm. I asked him 'what is 4 plus 4" and he managed to scribble (reluctantly) a line that looked like a sun-baked worm. We freaked (internally). This set off a series of discussions between Rachel and I about 'does he have ADHD? ADD? Dyslexia??' along with trying to schedule counseling back home, holding him back in school, and on and on. Needless to say, the lesson ended. The next day, I got him to 'learn' 5 new words in English and we played a game that involved some learning (tricky!) but he pouted for a good 20 minutes before I could coaxe him in to this. But then a discovery. We have never been accused of being the best detectives, despite watching Dexter and other shows that let us string together clues, but we (finally) decided to look in his backpack that he brought with him from the orphanage. I know, I know, why did we wait so long? I offer no reasonable explanation. In it we found SEVERAL school books of his with pages and pages of completed assignments, both in English and Spanish! There was math, cursive, spelling, drawings, grammar....We knew we had been horswaggled by a 7 year old! The little brat was fully capable of writing and already knew several words in English. He was just sandbagging so he didn't have to do his lessons. If he only knew about the therapy and counseling we were  planning for him to get him to learn! We spoke to Manuela the following day (on a trip to the US Embassy, more on that later) and asked her if she thought he was testing us. She giggled out loud and suggested we try again. So we tried again. This time he wrote his name three times, perfectly legible, completed simple math and wrote letters in script. and was happy to do it! no pouting! It was 30 minutes of bliss, not only because he does not have the severe learning problems we created, but because we were on to his schemes and feel prepared (insert chuckle here) for more tests. Harry does not yet realize that he is being adopted by two extremely stubborn parents.

Yesterday, we set out with Manuela for "short trip" to the notary. While we were out, Manuela decided after conferring with our Colombian lawyer that we all needed to go to the US Embassy. It seems that yet again, we need to get fingerprinted to make sure there are no problems with our paperwork that has been submitted to the Colombian family court. For those who have heard us complaining before, sorry, but to catch up others following the blog, we have been fingerprinted by 1) the state of NY, 2) the Rochester police department, 3) Homeland security in Buffalo (TWICE). Now, the US Embassy will do it again, Monday at 9am. Of course, we had five hours of waiting at the embassy to figure this out. Brian is extremely tempted to break the law now because CLEARLY there are no records of his fingerprints anywhere between the U.S and Colombia. It will be the perfect crime!

Also, a huge light at the end of the tunnel that is our tortured waiting period in Colombia- Harry's doctor is going to write a letter to the family court saying that because of Harry's medical condition, he cannot wait for weeks for the family court to process his adoption. If the court listens, Harry and Brian might be coming home together and our family will only be split for two weeks, instead of four. Rachel has already calculated the savings in money, how to change our airline tickets and when Harry could make appointments in the US for his new doctor, his school assessment and meeting his new US social worker. Did i mention that Rachel has already packed her bags in anticipation?

The only picture I took lately was of a run-down, thatch covered 'internet cafe' outside the Embassy, and I was run-down by a guard while taking it, so it didn't turn out well. But, we are off on an adventure today (the bus! where you never really know where you're going and that is peppered with unschedule stops and unplanned routes; should be fun) to another museum, so we will have more soon. -B&R

another day another 2,000 pesos

alright, our wits are back about us! as expected, things calmed down immensely as soon as we left the Bing-Bong Palace of Perpetual Anxiety. we got back to a more 'normal' schedule today. I am still insisting on learning 5 new words in English every day ( Harry, not me) which is usually met with the stubbornness of an angry mule, but we fight our way through. The reward is the park. In terms of personal insight, we are going around and around about how much 'learning' he needs now, and how much just pure family fun he needs, since this has been in short supply for his entire life. Do we wait until we get back home to introduce learning in a structured environment and simply enjoy our time here, which might give him the false impression that every day is going to be like this (dad home all day, fun in the park, etc.) OR, do we instill structure right away so that his transition to NY is smoother, but forgo the opportunity to bond as a family, enjoying each others company for its own sake. These are the problems we are currently negotiating. We have decided on a little of both, structured learning for a little while in the morning, then fun in the afternoon. And no more arcades or life-sized game shows like we experienced yesterday. But, Harry is really a good kid; he tells everyone that he gets to have dogs sleep on his bed when he gets to NY, he has a healthy smart-ass wit (which I appreciate) and is the current CEO of the clean plate club. I thought I'd just post some video today so you can see him and Addie in action, on a calm day in the park. Deep breaths.

Love to all -Brian